I feel like the year 2017 has been a meditation on surrendering.

I am not as strong as used to be just a few short weeks ago. It is taking me a lot of grace to accept that fact.

A few short weeks ago, back in the dark ages of September, I moved houses. It was a tedious process as all moves are. It required a bit of schlepping and heavy lifting of things. And I did. I did it mostly by myself because I could… and because I am bad at asking for help and receiving help.

In the midst of that move I had to learn to develop the grace required to understand that in letting others help me, I am learning to love and be loved. So I asked for help and received help. But it was so easy in that moment because I could do it myself.

Today, I did some lifting because I just was tired of being told I was too sick or not well enough. Nothing makes me feel smaller than knowing I have to wait. I have to wait for others to create time for me. Patience is not one of my greatest strength.

Now that I have done it myself, I regret it. My body was not ready yet. I am still not strong yet. I should simply have waited.

Lesson learned. I need to surrender to where I am at so that I can get to where I want to be.